well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
