I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
