If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
