OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
