I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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