Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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