guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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