His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
