Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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