My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
