we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
