she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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