so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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