I'm really into asian looking animals
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
