Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
