o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Canadian or clown?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!