We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I need to calm my uterus...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
