20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.