it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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