A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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