went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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