Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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