Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
