when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
