His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
