$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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