after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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