oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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