Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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