The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
