After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize