in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
