Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I will be naked everywhere
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
