I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
