a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to jail i love you
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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