I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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