Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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