the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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