If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
