Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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