im having a threesome with these popsicles
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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