my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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