I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
