are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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