About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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