That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
