Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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