just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
