You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
