Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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