I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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