i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
