I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
