Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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