I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize