Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
