girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
