This is not my ceiling
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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