i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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