I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
