I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
