pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
