It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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