please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
