remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
