She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
