But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
