It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
try to milk me bitch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
