8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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