I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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