70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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