Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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