There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
