the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
