Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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