So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
