forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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