I'm eating all of the evidence.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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