My brain says no but my pants say off.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
