cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
