I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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