i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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