We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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