Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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