Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
